Emz-the-geographically-variable

Actually there’s not much to say about going home, since I haven’t done it yet, except to say that I’m a bit excited, having been away for 8 months. The only problem is my roomate, who I’ve invited to Ottawa for Christmas, is going to be very disappointed by the stupidly warm weather Ottawa’s been having. Who ever heard of +8C in December??! I only have one friend who is potentially interested in reading a blog about the weather, so let’s get on with the interesting stuff.

A few weekends ago Gio and I were invited to a birthday party. Our invitation was a bit last minute so we were planning to make an appearance, chat a bit, and go home. We did this, the chatting being somewhat impeded by our reluctance to force happily babbling Germans to interrupt their amicable mutual diatribes to stumble along in our language. Well, my language, since there is no hope at all of speaking Italian with them. At an appropriate moment we thanked our hosts and prepared to make ourselves scarce, then one recommended that we stay a few minutes longer for a “surprise”. We did.

Presently, the birthday girl was placed on a chair in the middle of the room and blindfolded. The surprise arrived, dressed in a policeman’s uniform. My thoughts at the time will be indicated in curly brackets.

{Oh, ha ha, one of their friends is dressed up to pretend to be a stripper.}

After some initial shinnanigans with the policeman’s population-beating-stick, the shirt was removed.

{I don’t think normal shirts come off like that. Where can I buy Gio a quick release shirt?}

The pants came off in a similar manner.

{Dude! He has no hairs and he is full of muscles! I think he’s real! Am I really watching a real stripper really stripping? *blushing*}

A banana was procured and put in the underwear of the man for the girl to touch.

{Well, at least she’s not actually touching his thing. I wonder what her boyfriend thinks of this. Wait, did he pay for this?!}

The banana was removed and opened and the birthday girl encouraged to suck it in a suggestive manner. She suggested.

{Wow, she’s really into this. *fascinated*}

The blindfold was removed, and whipped cream applied to the belly. The whipped cream was removed by the tongue of the girl.

{Noooo…. she didn’t just lick him! I hope he’s clean!}

The underwear with rips in were removed and the guy was wearing a thong. Sunblock was applied to the buttocks of the man and the girl was encouraged to rub it in.

{Okay, this is gotta be where it stops, he really doesn’t have much left to take off.}

The thong was removed and some shinnanigans and flipping about with the American flag (for no discernable reason) was performed.

{Did I just see what I just think I just saw?}

The girl was encouraged to hide the man’s things with her hands.

{She’s actually touching his….!}

The man sat over the girl and some things were going on under the flag, and then the show was over and the guy went away. At this point I looked at Gio for his reaction. His eyes were popping out and his mouth was open, lips curled in shock, amazement, and disgust. He was in danger of having us thrown out for offending relevant parties, so I made some attempts to stifle the non-verbal expression of his opinion on the proceedings, and after an appropriate period we took our leave.  

Hey Gio, maybe when I’m 32 I will get a nice Pickwick mug* AND a dancing policeman??

(* I am up to 8 points and a friend wrote to say they have 16 so I’m well on my way!!)